Excited

After I get out of this office, I’m going over Arnold’s. I’ll help him with getting his things ready. We’ll decide on what he’s taking and what we can throw, or donate, away.

I’m really excited. I need something to do anyways.

Peter

John, my brother, called today.

Apparently, my… our mother isn’t doing very well. She’s sick. Really sick. Not on her deathbed… but yeah. She won’t die though. She can’t, she’s mom! She’ll pull through. Dad won’t let her die.

It was good to talk to John. I guess. I don’t… well.

It’s weird with my brothers. I don’t like Peter. I just don’t. John, I can talk to. We get into big arguments, but not like with Peter.

Peter’s just such an idiot. He’s a fucking loser. A disgrace to the family. I don’t know what granddad saw in him. I don’t see anything in him but a goddamn whiner. All I’ve ever seen him do was mope around in his self-afflicted sadness. And he’s such a smartass. He thinks he knows everything. Look, alright, I admit I’m shortsighted on many things. But I’m at least not a fucking loser without any sense on how the world really works. It’s not the heart that makes the man; it’s the money in his hands.

He shouldn’t have ever entered this business. And with his goddamn hero complex, he’s going to get himself killed one day. And I won’t be there to pick up the pieces.

John’s… John has his own problems. But at least they aren’t as annoying as Peter’s.

They should just take a clue and learn from me. They fail in their jobs as older siblings. I’m the mature one here, not them. I’ve got this figured out, but they’re still retreating into themselves. Losers.

…Ugh. Well. That needed to be said.

I’m… I’m sorry for ranting about this. They just get to me like no one else does.

They’re really the only emotional ties I have left on this planet. And I haven’t even talked to them in forever. Peter… I don’t remember the last time I saw him.


I don’t exactly have any desire to see him or John ever again though. I have my entire life to see those losers again. For now they can stay the fuck away. I’ve got my job to do.

Winners, don’t quit; keep your eye on the finish line.

Groceries

Got a few more calls.

Arnold will be taken into his new life in a week. I’m going to help him pack up and prepare for it all. I’m even going to drive him there. Really, it’s the least I could do. I’m pretty much his only friend. And I’ve invested so much in him over the past few months. I want to see him get his happy ending.

I don’t really know what I’m going to do other than that. To make time for the move, I’ve had to stop taking outbound missions. Instead, I’m going to be doing… office work.

Fuck. Well, it’s worth it. For Arnold.

And I guess I’ll be able to flirt with some secretaries?

Gah who am I kidding I’ve already gotten up with most of them anyways what’s the fun in that.

And maybe I shouldn’t be doing that this time. Maybe I should keep my it in my pants, so to speak.

Well shit. I need to go grocery shopping.


I need to cut this shit out… I’m not a kid anymore. I’m an adult.

I can afford to buy more now.

The Boss II

The boss really yelled at me today. And by yell… I mean yell. That fucker almost blew my goddamn ears out. His rage was unmatched by any other rage I had seen prior to him.

He was angry about Chris and Brandon being wounded. He concluded, somehow, that I had caused it to happen. That I wasn’t paying enough attention. That I was too cocky.

And now I’m apparently on my last straw. He says that if I endanger anyone again like that he’s going to have to take drastic measures.

I’m wondering what he exactly means by that. He can’t really fire me. It’s a bit… hard to fire me. And he wouldn’t fire me anyways. That wasn’t what he was emphasizing on.

I think he may force me to take a vacation. Please, anything but that…

Holly

I stayed up most of last night, just thinking about… well, everything.

I ended up reminiscing on my past. So much in the past few days has reminded me of Holly. It hurts. More than usual. Much more than usual.

And you all still don’t know, do you? The full story.

Who Holly exactly was.

And the thing is, I don’t think I’m ready to tell you that. I don’t think I’m ready to even think about that too much. Bringing up that horrid night in one of the earlier entries riled this whole shit up, I think. The ghost, the nightmares… I can’t handle this much. A tiny nightmare each night, sure, but when it bleeds into my work… that ain’t good.

So I’m sorry if you’re confused. I’m sorry if you want answers. I cannot give them. Not yet.

Maybe one day, but not now.


I’m heading back home.

The Departed

Some nights I just don’t want to sleep. Some nights I wander.

Last night was one of those nights. I left at about midnight. I drove down to the lake, and stared along the horizon for a few minutes. After I was nice and calm, I decided I needed a fucking drink. Drove along main street until I spotted a nice bar.

Usually I get absorbed into the social scene of each town I visit, and end up in bed with some girl by the end of the night. This wasn’t one of those nights. I was alone at the bar for most of the night.

Most of the night.

I was visited three times.

The first visitor was a familiar face. His name’s Michael. I’ve seen him around often. He’s far above me in the ranks. He runs the Pensacola Branch of the Lonely Hearts.

He’s a class A drunk. Everyone knows that. He’s got problems. He tries to drink those problems away. I’m familiar with that type of behavior. Many agents in the force are like that. My own brother, John, is a complete alcoholic.

Michael wanders like I do at night. He’s usually searching for a drink to drown in. I’m usually searching for something to do, to keep myself awake.

Always nervous. He sits down next to me, and doesn’t seem to recognize me at first. Or was pretending not to notice. It’s kind of embarrassing, I guess. I decide that it would have been best to leave, so I prepare to pay for one last drink.

He looks at me again, and genuinely seems to recognize me.

“J-James? What are you doing in this place?”

I turn to him, and smile. The poor guy looked horrible. His skin was so pale, and it was obvious he wasn’t getting enough sleep. His voice was a bit off as well. He seems to get worse every time I see him.

“Ehhh, I just completed a mission. With one of your boys, by the way.”

“Oh, really..? Who?”

“Chris and Brandon. You know, Brandon’s the SMSC transfer and Chris-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know those two. They’re good agents. Where are they at?”

That was weird. Michael was so out of it he didn’t even know the general wellbeing of his agents yet.

“Errr, sir. Chris and Brandon were injured.”

“..What!? Really? How?”

“A drone got to them. They’re going to be fine, don’t worry.”

“Well that’s good. Chris is a good friend of mine.”

We sit there silent for a moment. Felt a bit awkward. He’s drinking out of his glass. I look around the empty bar from time to time, setting my eyes on anything but him.

He takes on more sip from the glass.

“James, I should go now. It was good seeing ya again.”

I nod. “Yeah, same to you.”

He leaves and I’m pretty much alone again. I zone out. The blaring TV showing a baseball game rerun fades away and the lingering smell of cigarette smoke disappears. I feel myself drifting away.

And then that bastard slams his red-toned hand down against the counter, startling me out of my nightmare. I reach into my coat and grab at my gun, but he grabs my arm.

“Hello, James. Nice to see you again.”

“…Jack.” I say.

A man in a brown suit sits next to me. His eyes shine in the golden twilight of the bar, sparkling like diamonds. He smiles and his pure white teeth sparkle as well. The bright eyes look through me and into me at the same time. Both my informant and enemy, Jack of All, sat there.

“How are ya, kiddo? How’d the mission go, eh?”

I put my gun away.

“I’m fine.”

He chuckles.

“Your friends, though. They aren’t exactly the healthiest sons of guns this side of Brooklyn, now are they?”

“Stop with that fake accent. We’re not in Manhattan, we’re near the fucking equator.”

“You know I can’t do that, my friend; I have it in me. Fuhgeddaboutit!”

I groan. I shake my head, and stare down into my drink. I hate being in the same room as the fuck, let alone talking to him. And yet besides it all, I can’t deny that he has a certain charm.

“So. James. You still having nightmares?”

I ignore him. I look away. I was getting really annoyed but I had to control it.

“I can make them go away yknow.”

I shout and kick the counter; my hands shake.

“God- DAMMIT. You know I don’t want to make a deal with you! Ever!”

See, that’s what Jack of All is. He’s a snake. You make a deal with him, and you sell your soul to the devil. Almost literally. And your wish always goes back against you. Trust me, I’ve seen him tear apart good men after screwing them over. It’s not pretty.

I would have killed him by now if I could. I’ve started to think that he legitimately is Lucifer himself.

“Calm down, son. I know, I know. I shouldn’t of said that. You won’t now, and I respect that.”

I sip once more out of the glass. The bitter taste soothes the anger.

Jack takes his cigar out and lights it. He did not use a lighter… his hand just sort of made flames all by itself. He kicks back against the counter on the bar stool, facing away from the bar and to the empty tables. He taps his fingers against his knees.

“James, I’ve got some info foryeh. In two days, your friends are going to be killed while in the hospital. A surgeon scheduled to operate on them is a renowned Oathbreaker.”

Oathbreakers are basically serial killers disguised as doctors. They used to be uncommon down in the Southern states, but there’s been a recent explosion of them since the month of February. They idolize a certain elusive Fear that I’ve thankfully never encountered.

“Why should I believe you?”

“Trust me on this one… or don’t, whatevuh. It’s your friends, after all. Your comrades.”

“How did you get this information?”

“…James, are you really asking me that now? We’ve known each other for how long now? Jesus Christ…”

“Alright, fine. I’ll look into it. I doubt you’re telling the truth.”

“Doubt all you want, but mark my words, at four tomorrah they’ll both be dead. Guaranteed.”

He was telling the truth. The question was… why?

“Why are you telling me this?”

He chuckles, before coughing up a bit on the smoke.

“Oh come on James! What are friends for! Fuhgeddaboutit.”

He gets up from the bar stool and walks a few feet away. He cracks his neck, and then turns back around to face me. Snatches his cigar away from his mouth.

“Your brothers better watch their backs now, you hear? There’s gonna be changes soon in this world. Like a rollin stone, baby. You can either drown in the oncoming wave… or get up to high ground.

I’ll be waiting for that deal. One day, it’ll happen. You’ll break. And I’ll be there.”

“Don’t bet on it.” I say. I turn around and call for the bar tender. One more drink.

He laughs.

“Just as expected… well, I must be off now! You watch your back now… remember…

You’re just a puppet.”

The bar tender pours my drink, and looks at me as if I’m crazy.

Yeah, I know. Dude talking to himself… definitely crazy.

Jack only lets you see him if he wants you to see him.

And then I was drifting away again. The feeling of my hand brushing against my cheek disappeared, the sound of the bar tender washing glasses crashed into silence, and the cloud of restlessness that clung to my mind melted away.

And then there she was. The ghost from my past. She haunts my dreamscapes every night and I can’t let go of her. My old partner, and lover, sat next to me.

Holly.

“What are you doing here…” I say.

She looks just as beautiful as she did back then. Her hair, her face, her eyes; her lips…

“You know why I’m here, James. You just can’t seem to let go.”

“It’s hard, babe. I’m trying.”

“I know, I know. But you’ve got to try harder.”

“I’m aware…it’s just. It’s just been a struggle for the past few nights. I want to forget you. I want to let go and sever this thing that’s torturing me. But I can’t…”

“This is going to be the death of you one day, you know that?”

“I’m are of that also. And I’m counting on it.”

“You have a death wish?”

“Not really. I’m just savvy enough to know how that’ll play out. How this will end.”

She laughs. I smile. It was wonderful hearing that laugh again.

“You watch too much television.”

“No, babe. I just know how the real world works. And it don’t work this way. And when things don’t work the way they’re supposed to… the world finds ways to fix it.”

“You’ve become too cynical.”

I stare down at my hands.

“Aren’t we all cynical these days?”

“You used to be so optimistic…”

“Yeah. Used to. That was when you were with me. I was invincible then.”

“James, I’m going now.”

“I know you are.”

She fades away as I open my eyes once. I’m in the bar, staring into the side of my drink; my head is down. The golden twilight burns through my eyelids as I close them. I felt like I was only blinking, but when I opened them again, I was laying in the backseat of my car. One of my doors was left ajar.

The radio was playing and the sun shone through the windows. It was seven in the morning.

It happened again. Sometimes, when I get like that, I end up waking up in different places.

I cough. I tried getting up, but I felt too weak. I crawl into a more comfortable position, and I close the car door. I turned the car off, and nodded off to sleep again.

A knock on the glass window of my car jolts me awake. The same girl from earlier, the one who sold me cookies, was standing there.

I open the car door. “Yeah?”

“Gee, mister! You ok? You look like a wreck!”

“…Yeah.” I rub my forehead. I had such a headache.

I look back at her. “What’s a kid like you doing here anyways? In this…”

That’s when I realized, I didn’t know where I was exactly. Or the time.

And without even asking for the time, she told me it.

“It’s almost noon, sir.”

“Shit!” Way behind schedule… and the Oathbreakers…

I get up out of the car and close it. I prepare to leave. The little girl just stands there, watching.

It creeped me out. It made me feel… suspicious. And how’d she know I was gonna ask for the time anyways?

“Hey, … kid. What’s your name?”

“Charlotte!” she says, smiling.

“That’s a nice name! Um. So. What are you doing out here, alone? Where is your mother and father?”

“Oh, they’re home. I’m just taking a walk…”

She looks around, as if she’s searching for someone.

“Uhh… I got to go! Bye!”

And before I could even reply, she was running off.

It took about an hour to arrive at the hospital. The Oathbreaker was arrested without even entering the hospital. I spent about half an hour talking to Chris and Brandon, and the guards, telling them to be on their toes.

I’ve decided to stay here one more night, to keep an eye on Chris and Brandon. If they need me, I’ll be there. I’ve switched motels so I’m a bit closer to them.


My head is still killing me.