Thursday, June 9, 2011


Walking back into the office for me could be compared to stepping into a foreign land. Nothing inside seemed the same. Hell, I forgot I even had a desk, and even when I practically bumped into it, I hardly noticed it. All these people that I passed, all these people that glanced at me, all these people that attempted to force conversation with me... they weren't co-workers. They were aliens to my world, my life; to me.

And then I entered the boss' office. He was sitting there, staring out the window, waiting for me. When he heard me sit down, he turned around, and sat down as well. He put out his cigarette, and looked me over once or twice.

"Welcome back, kid."

I sigh, and look to the left.

"Yeah, yeah..."

He had that disappointed face on. He wore it a whole fucking lot nowadays.

"Look... we all know you're having a tough time right now. We all get that..."

I seemed to be ignoring him, I guess.

His tone was raised into anger as he stepped up from his chair in fury.

"...but goddammit, your sorry ass is making all of this much more difficult than it should be! Do you want me to send you upstate and have you downing pills and locked up most the day? Is that what you want? I could make the call right now."

 I still refused to look at him. I could tell he was crying a bit. His voice cracked near the end of his yell. I didn't think he would care that much.

But the problem was, I didn't care at all.

I pushed up on the table, stood up at full height, and my eyes met with the boss'. However, I wasn't staring into his eyes, as he was me; I was staring through him.

"Just give me a fucking mission. Just get me the hell out of this place, boss."

 He sat down again, and I stood tall over him. He closed his eyes, and seemed to be meditating.




He opened his eyes.

"You're not going anywhere, James. Not without your new companion."

"H-huh? You... you were serious...?"

The door opened behind me, and she walked in. I saw her... I saw her. I shook, with fear.

It was the girl with the cobra tattoo. She strutted in, and stood beside the boss, and glared at me.

"Hello, James. It's nice to meet you."

"This little lady here is Ross, and from now on she will be your partner."

I couldn't believe this. This was a total betrayal between our trust. I got up, and tried to walk out of the office. But Ross walked in between the door and I.

"Excuse me. You don't seem to get it, do you?"

I tried to walk around her. She moved in front of my path yet again.

"Get out of the way."

She shook her head, and continued on with her bullshit. 

"You're not going until you consent to my help."

I turned suddenly towards the boss.

"What the fuck is this!? You think I need help!!?"

"I'm sorry, James. This is for your own good. I won't let you burn out like a loser! I won't let you jeopardize the organization like your fucking brother did!"

And that about when I lost it. I don't remember what I did. Next thing I know, I'm on the ground, head pinned, and a gun against my cheek.

"Don't. Try. That. Again," Ross says, as she presses the gun against me.

The boss lowers himself down to our level. He's smoking again.

"I'm sorry, James. I really am. But your safety is my duty. And I won't let you go make a fool of yourself out there, alone, anymore. Either accept my conditions, or will blow your head off right fucking now. Because I'm not going to watch a slow suicide. Not ever again."

He was fucking crying. Just full blown crying. I couldn't believe he...

But I.

"Go ahead. Do it. What do I care?"

"James... please..."

A whole minute passes by. I sigh.

"Alright... alright. I agree to the terms."

And so that's why I am back in the office, completing more of what I love in this world.... you guessed it, paperwork! Kill me. 

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