Friday, May 27, 2011

In The Hidden Places

I'm running home from the bus stop because I thought I saw Her there on the bus and the autumn leaves are falling down so slowly like snow, greengreen snow. The leaves fall and grab onto me and I'm reminded of Elementary school when I was walking to school and it was so nice outside and the wind picked up and all these nice looking leaves fell down and it was so calming and I was happy and yet so lonely and my two brothers were walking on ahead and I felt like I was being left behind and Peter never even looked back ever and John looked back but it seemed like he looked through me.

I remember rubbing my arm and cursing under my breath after what Peter did up on those train tracks and then I felt so fucking short and scared and I ran up to him to talk to him but it was like he was ignoring me and I hated that so much. We're crossing the street and it bleeds away and It is back and I'm falling into it and then it's a rainy day and the bus I'm on the bus and it's gray and cloudy and She's on the bus and her name is Holly and I think I'm in love with her we're going to get married.

I felt so awkward sitting near her on the bus and it reminded me of how out of place I am at school and how none of my friends seem to like me and I'm so lonely and she's gone and what the fuck am I supposed to do. I can feel it watching me, from above the falling leaves.

I'm collapsing onto my bed and it's my last night there before I leave for the apartment but it feels like it's only just begun. Consciousness almost slips away and flashes of wild sage growing in the weeds invade.

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